How to find a workout buddy as an adult

Remember when making friends was easy? You sat next to someone in class, joined a team or lived down the hall, and friendship just happened. As an adult, especially a busy one, it’s a lot harder. And finding someone who wants to work out with you, at the same time, at the same pace, can feel almost impossible.

It isn’t impossible. It just takes a little more intention than it used to. This guide covers why it’s harder as an adult, what makes a good workout buddy, where to find one, exactly what to say and what to do when it doesn’t go to plan.

If you’re wondering whether a buddy is even worth the effort, we covered the research in why working out with friends works. Short version: for many people, it makes exercise easier to start, more fun and more likely to stick.

Why it’s harder as an adult

As kids and young adults, we’re surrounded by built-in friendship machines: school, sports teams, dorms and first jobs full of people our age. We see the same people over and over without trying. Adulthood takes most of that away.

• Less unplanned time together. Most adult friendships need to be scheduled, which means someone has to do the asking.
• Busy, mismatched schedules. Work, kids, partners and caregiving fill the calendar.
• Moving. Many women move for jobs or partners and start over in a new city.
• Life stages split friends apart. When you have a baby, friends without kids may drift, and friends with kids are just as busy as you.
• Fear of rejection. Asking someone to hang out as an adult can feel surprisingly vulnerable.

You’re far from alone in this. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory calling loneliness and isolation a public health concern, noting that many adults have fewer close friends and spend less time with friends than in the past.

If you’ve felt this, you’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just how adult life is set up.

The friendship math (and why workouts help)

A 2018 study by University of Kansas professor Jeffrey Hall tried to measure how long friendship actually takes. He estimated that it takes roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, about 90 hours to become friends and more than 200 hours to become close friends. Time spent hanging out mattered more than time spent working side by side.

Those numbers can sound daunting. But here’s where workouts come in: a regular workout date builds those hours automatically.

• 🚶‍♀️
  Once a weekOne 1-hour walk

  About 50 hours in a year. A casual friend by next fall.

• 👥
  Twice a weekTwo walks a week

  About 50 hours in six months, and close to 100 in a year.

• 🏃‍♀️
  Three times a weekTraining for a 5K together

  About 20 hours in ten weeks, and a finish line to celebrate.

Workouts are perfect friendship time because they’re scheduled, repeated and side by side, which takes the pressure off conversation. You’re building fitness and friendship at the same time.

The good news: people want to hear from you

If asking feels scary, two lines of research might help:

• The “liking gap.” In studies of conversations between strangers, people consistently underestimated how much the other person liked them and enjoyed the conversation. That awkward first chat probably went better than you think.
• Reaching out is appreciated. In a 2022 set of studies, people underestimated how much others appreciated an unexpected check-in text or small gesture from them. Your “Want to walk Saturday?” is likely more welcome than you fear.

Plenty of other women are quietly hoping someone will ask them. You can be the one who asks.

It also helps to remember that you’re not asking for a lifelong commitment. You’re asking for one walk. If it goes well, you ask for another. If it doesn’t, you’ve still had a nice walk, and you’ve practiced asking, which makes the next invitation easier. Think of it less like a big ask and more like a small, friendly experiment.

What makes a good workout buddy

• 📅
  TimingYour schedules overlap

  The most important factor. A perfect buddy who’s only free when you’re at work won’t help.

• 📍
  LocationYou live or work close by

  Ten minutes away is a habit. Forty minutes away is a special occasion.

• 🚶‍♀️
  Fitness levelYour pace is similar

  Close enough to move together, ideally with one of you just slightly ahead.

• 🎯
  PurposeYour goals line up

  Training for a 5K, getting back to moving after a baby or just wanting company. Talk about it early.

• 💬
  PersonalityYour vibe matches

  Chatty or quiet, competitive or chill. You should enjoy the time, not just tolerate it.

• ✅
  ReliabilityShe shows up

  The best buddy isn’t the fittest one. It’s the one who’s there when she says she will be.

You don’t need all six. Timing, location and reliability matter most. Everything else you can work around. In fact, some of the best workout friendships start between women who seem to have nothing in common except a free Tuesday morning.

What if you feel like you’re the one who’s behind?

This is one of the biggest things that stops women from asking. Maybe you haven’t worked out in years, you’re still recovering from birth or you’re worried you’ll slow someone down.

Here’s the thing: almost everyone feels behind about something. The friend you’re nervous to ask might be worried about the exact same thing. Saying it out loud often helps: “Fair warning, I’m just getting back into it, so I’ll be slow. Still in?” Most people respond with relief and an “Oh, me too.”

And remember the research on partners: being a little behind someone can actually help you push a bit further. You’re not dragging her down. You’re both getting something out of it.

Where to find a workout buddy

People you already know

• Friends who’ve mentioned wanting to move more. They’ve basically already said yes.
• Coworkers, for lunchtime walks or before-work sessions.
• Neighbors you wave to while walking the dog or pushing the stroller.
• Family, like a sister, cousin or in-law who lives nearby.

Places you already go

• Daycare and school drop-off. Same time, same place, every day. The other parents there are ideal buddies.
• The playground and library story time. Great for meeting parents with kids the same age.
• Your gym or a regular class. Say hi to the person who’s always there when you are.
• Your place of worship or community center, which often has walking groups or classes.

Groups built for this

• Walk clubs and stroller fitness groups. Everyone there is looking for the same thing you are. See what we’re building in your city.
• Running clubs with beginner or walk-run groups.
• Local 5K training groups, often run by running stores.
• Community classes through parks departments, libraries and YMCAs.

Online

• Neighborhood and parent groups. A simple post like “Looking for a walking buddy near the park, mornings work best” often gets replies.
• Community apps and online groups built around your interests or life stage.
• Virtual circles, where you can meet women first on video and walk together later. Learn more about virtual circles.

When you post or reply, be clear about what you’re looking for: the area, the time of day, the pace and whether kids are welcome. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll find a good match on the first try.

Always use common sense when meeting someone new from online: meet in a busy public place, tell someone where you’re going and trust your gut.

How to ask (without it being weird)

The secret is to be specific and low-pressure. “We should work out sometime!” rarely happens. “Want to walk Thursday at 9 by the fountain?” often does.

Scripts you can steal

• To a friend: “I’m trying to move more and I’m way more likely to do it with someone. Want to be my walking buddy? Tuesdays at 7?”
• To a drop-off parent: “I always see you here at 8:30. I’ve been meaning to walk after drop-off. Want to join me one day this week?”
• To a coworker: “Want to do a lunchtime loop around the block on Wednesdays? I need the break.”
• To someone from a class: “I love that you’re always here. Want to grab a coffee after class next week?”
• Online post: “Looking for a walking buddy near [park], weekday mornings. Stroller welcome, no pace pressure, coffee after. Anyone?”

If texting feels too forward, ask in person while you’re already chatting. “Do you ever walk after drop-off? I’ve been wanting someone to go with” is a natural way to test the waters before suggesting a specific time.

Notice what these have in common: a specific day, an easy activity, an easy out and a reason that’s about you (“I need the motivation”), which makes it easy for her to say yes.

What to do together

“Working out together” doesn’t have to mean the gym. Pick something that fits both of your lives:

• Walks. The easiest start, with or without strollers. Our city walk guides have route ideas.
• At-home strength sessions. Take turns hosting a 20-minute dumbbell or bodyweight workout in your living rooms.
• A class you both try. Yoga, barre, dance, spin. Trying something new together takes the pressure off being good at it.
• Weekend hikes. A once-a-month longer adventure gives you something to look forward to.
• Playground workouts. Step-ups, incline push-ups and lunges while the kids play.
• Swimming or water aerobics. Easy on the joints and great in the summer.
• Training for an event. A local 5K, a charity walk or a turkey trot.

Your first workout date

1. Keep it short and easy. A 30-minute walk is perfect. Save the hard workout for later.
2. Pick an easy meeting spot, like a park entrance, a coffee shop or a landmark.
3. Let her set the pace. If you’re the fitter one, slow down. If she is, just say so; most people are happy to adjust.
4. Ask easy questions. How long have you lived here? What got you into walking? How old are your kids?
5. End with a next step. “This was fun. Same time next week?” is the most important sentence of the whole date.
6. Follow up. A quick text later that day (“Thanks for the walk!”) keeps the momentum going.

When it doesn’t go to plan

1. Snag #1
   What happened

   She said no, or never answered.

   What to do

   It’s almost never about you. People are busy, tired and overloaded. Try one more time with a specific plan, then move on to the next person on your list without taking it personally.

2. Snag #2
   What happened

   You went once, and it was awkward.

   What to do

   First meetups often are. Research on conversations suggests people tend to underestimate how much the other person enjoyed talking with them. Give it two or three tries.

3. Snag #3
   What happened

   She keeps canceling.

   What to do

   Suggest a set weekly time, which is easier to protect. If it keeps happening, join a group so your plan doesn’t depend on one person.

4. Snag #4
   What happened

   Your paces are really different.

   What to do

   Walk together for warm-up and cool-down and split up in the middle, or meet for strength sessions where pace matters less.

5. Snag #5
   What happened

   You don’t click.

   What to do

   That’s okay. Not every workout buddy becomes a friend, and not every friend makes a good workout buddy. Thank her, and keep looking.

If you’re shy or introverted

Working out with someone can actually be easier for introverts than a coffee date: you’re side by side, there’s something to do and silences feel natural. A few more ideas:

• Start with groups where you can blend in before you get to know anyone.
• Choose activities with built-in structure, like a class or a walk with a set route.
• Use text first. An accountability-texting buddy is a great low-key start.
• Prepare a few questions so you don’t have to think on the spot.
• Give yourself recovery time. Pair a social workout with a quiet solo one later in the week.

Tips for moms

• Look for moms with kids around the same age. Similar nap schedules make planning far easier.
• Bring the kids. Stroller walks and playground workouts mean you don’t need childcare.
• Trade childcare. Take turns watching each other’s kids so each of you gets a solo run or class.
• Be flexible about time. “Sometime between 9 and 10, whenever naps allow” works for many moms.
• Have a rain plan. A mall walk or a video workout in one of your living rooms keeps the habit going.
• Don’t forget your partner. A partner can be a great workout buddy too, or the one who holds down the fort while you go.

Our guide to starting a stroller walk club is perfect if you’d rather gather a few moms than find just one buddy.

Long-distance and virtual buddies

Your best friend lives three states away? She can still be your workout buddy.

• Work out on video at the same time, even if you’re doing different workouts.
• Walk and talk on the phone, each in your own neighborhood.
• Follow the same plan, like our 5K walk-to-run plan, and check in after each session.
• Share a simple tracker, like a shared note where you each check off workouts.

Signs you’ve found a good one

• You look forward to your workouts instead of dreading them.
• You show up even on days you wouldn’t have gone alone.
• Conversation flows, and so do the comfortable silences.
• She celebrates your wins and doesn’t compare.
• You both feel free to say “not this week” without guilt.
• You leave feeling better than when you arrived.

If most of these are true, hold on to her. A great workout buddy is one of the most underrated gifts of adult life.

Keeping it going

• Protect the timeTreat your workout date like any other appointment. Put it on the calendar.
• Have a backupAgree on what you’ll do if one of you can’t make it, like going solo and texting a photo.
• Add a ritualCoffee after, a favorite route or a playlist makes it something to look forward to.
• Set a shared goalA 5K, a step challenge or a monthly hike gives you something to work toward together.
• Check inEvery few months, ask: is this time still working? Does anything need to change?
• Grow the groupInvite one more person. A small group is more reliable than a pair.

And if a workout partnership runs its course, because schedules change, someone moves or you just want different things, it’s okay to let it shift. You can stay friends without working out together, and you can always find a new buddy for this season.

A 4-week plan to find your buddy

If all of this feels like a lot, here’s a simple month-long plan. Small steps, one week at a time:

• Week 1Make your list. Write down three people you could ask and two groups you could try. Decide what you want: time of day, type of workout, kids or no kids.
• Week 2Ask one person with a specific invitation, and go to one group or class. Just one of each.
• Week 3Follow up. Suggest a second walk with anyone you clicked with, and go back to the same group a second time.
• Week 4Lock it in. Agree on a regular day and time with your new buddy, or commit to the group’s schedule for the next month.

If you get to week 4 and haven’t found anyone yet, that’s normal. Repeat the plan with the next names on your list. Every invitation makes the next one easier.

Make room for everyone

If you’re the one starting a buddy group, think about who might be quietly hoping to be included. The new mom who just moved to the neighborhood. The coworker who’s getting back into fitness after an injury. The friend who’s in a bigger body and nervous about joining a “fitness” group. The single mom whose only free time is 6 a.m.

Small choices make a big difference: an easy pace, a route with benches, a stroller-friendly path, a clear “all levels welcome” message and conversations about how you feel rather than how you look. The more welcoming your group, the more likely it is to last.

Your turn

Don’t wait until you feel fitter, until the baby sleeps through the night or until life calms down. The right time to find a workout buddy is before you feel ready, because having one is what makes the rest easier. Your future self, the one who looks forward to Tuesday morning walks, will thank you.

It might feel awkward for about ten seconds. Then you’ll have a plan, and maybe the start of a friendship.

And if you can’t think of anyone to ask yet, that’s exactly why we started our circles and walk clubs. Tell us a little about you, and we’ll help you find a few women who are looking for the same thing.

• Community
• Workout buddy
• Friendship
• Motivation
• Walk clubs